A Short Story by the Around the Way Girl

Don't Get It Twisted

“Damn, I need a man.” Yamaris thought speeding down the dark street as if she was racing home to a man’s warm embrace. She was driving so fast that she almost missed the newly placed holiday decorations on the marquis that informed all who entered that they were approaching Lords Landing Estates. She spoke out loud to herself and said, “Thank God it’s Friday- fa real.” She smiled as she thought about her chocolate Labrador Charlie and her white Poodle Cuzi anxiously waiting and watching in the front window for her to return home. She drove up to the driveway of her four bedroom Georgian Colonial style house as she had hundreds of times before.

On this cold December night something out of the ordinary stopped her from pulling into the two car garage. As she eased into the driveway, she could see that it was a package that was left by Ray, her regular UPS driver. A familiarity had grown between Yamaris and the UPS driver over the past three years and dozens of deliveries and they’d agreed that when a signature was not required, he would leave packages hidden behind the bushes. The 3’ by 5’ box was sticking out from the neatly trimmed bushes that framed the base of the large bay window in front of the two story brick house. There was no telling why it was just laying out on the manicured lawn, probably the work of the neighborhood cat Maxx. She couldn’t imagine what was in the box because she thought she had received all of the designer shoes and handbags that she’d ordered on line during one of her “down in the dumps” episodes a few weeks ago. She thought, “My shopping addiction is getting out of control again.”

Curiosity about the package and dread about the credit card bill made her stop in the middle of the driveway, shift her smoky granite mica Lexus RX 10 into park and get out to pick up the package. Her eyes immediately searched the box for the label that would reveal which designer was responsible for this latest attack on her platinum credit card. “Whatever it is, it’s going back” she said out loud. Any traces of sensibleness went away when her eyes focused on the Luis Vuitton address in the corner of the big box. It was the Alma Nomade bag that she’d impulsively ordered on line last Saturday night while drinking a bottle of $3 Trader Joe’s Chardonnay. Suddenly her mood lifted and in that moment she knew that she was not returning the bag. “If I could only find a man that could make me feel as good as I feel when get a new designer bag I would be alright”, she chuckled.

She opened the back seat and carefully placed the box as if it was a small child and she was going to drive a long distance instead of the 10 yards into the garage. As she backed away from the car to close the door, she was startled by a familiar stranger. There stood her new neighbor. He had moved in about a month ago and they had said hello a few times in passing as they pulled out of their driveways early in the morning. “Oh, shoot you scared me”, she told him in a voice that revealed her New York accent and louder than either of them expected. “Hey neighbor, I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m Solomon Garcia” Solomon said with a slight southern drawl and a huge smile revealing milky white teeth against the backdrop of his dark chocolate brown skin. Yamaris extended her hand and Solomon took her small soft hand into both of his and stared intently in her eyes. “Yamaris, Yamaris Gilead”, she stammered. “Hmmm, nice big strong hands”, she thought.

Solomon’s 5’11 and 235lbs muscular frame towered over Yamaris’ petite 5’3 140 lbs body. Solomon looked at his new neighbor from head to toe and did not try to hide his pleasure. He couldn’t remember ever meeting anyone a pretty as Yamaris. His wide open eyes took in her perfectly neat bob that did not have a hair out of place, the expensive but understated diamond cross that lay on her chest , and the silk blouse that next to her skin looked like whipped cream on a caramel macchiato. She wore a virgin wool pencil skirt that showed just enough of her shapely legs that extended to a pair of 3 inch heels. Solomon took in the beauty standing in front of him and though, “Yeah, I’m gonna hit that”.
As they stood in the cold, the classical woodsy notes of Chanel No. 5 drifted out of the shiny car and draped around them like cashmere wrap. Solomon came out of his trance-like state and said “Well I’m glad we finally met. I’ve noticed you on your way to work in the morning. You’re very beautiful; your husband is a very lucky man.” Yamaris flashed her signature smile and responded confidently, “Well thank you very much, but I’m not married.” Solomon feigned surprise at the revelation although her bare ring finger revealed as much when he had squeezed her hand.

Yamaris started to shiver, but tried to ignore how cold she felt because she wanted to see where this was going, after all, “I am a woman and I have needs”, she thought. Yamaris was distracted by the dogs barking in the background and she looked towards the window. Solomon glanced down and noticed Yamaris’ nipples protruding through her blouse. “You must be freezing, we should get out of the cold” Solomon announced. “Would you like to come inside for a drink?” Yamaris said taking both of them by surprise.

Solomon raised his right eyebrow and thought, “Damn I didn’t think it would be this easy”. “Sure, why not”, he responded. Having just returned from coaching a basketball game, Solomon was wearing a warm-up suit and it was not helping to contain the erection he was fighting. He followed her into the house and through the laundry room which opened into the kitchen where he had to duck to avoid bumping into the expensive looking cookware that hung from the ceiling. Yamaris motioned to him to wait there while she continued into the dimly lit, stylishly decorated living room. “I’ll be right back, make yourself comfortable” she motioned towards the sofa.

Solomon’s mind was racing while he stood in the living room looking around. He picked up a heavy silver tone frame that held a picture of a Yamaris sitting on a man’s lap with her arms wrapped tightly around him. “Probably her brother.”, he thought. “Did she really just invite me in for a drink?” he asked himself as he heard her open a door to let the dogs out into the backyard. Solomon could not believe his luck. “I was going to wait at least a few weeks; maybe even take her out to dinner first!” he whispered to himself. He frantically patted himself down looking for his wallet and praying that it held a condom when he realized that he had left his wallet in his car. “A fine independent woman like that is going to have condoms of her own”, he assured himself.

Yamaris was so excited that she ran up the carpeted stairs 2 steps at a time with Charlie and Cuzi following right behind her. “I was going to wait few days ; maybe even cook him dinner, but this works out just fine!” she whispered to Charlie and Cuzi who were running in circles around her. “I’ll be right down. I’m changing into something more comfortable. I’m kind of nervous; I mean I barely know you. I hope you don’t think I’m too forward”, she yelled down to Solomon while she quickly changed into her grey velour Juicy Couture track suit.

“Oh no, you’re fine”, he yelled back up to her. “I guess the jump off will be right here in the living room since she didn’t invite me upstairs. I sure hope this doesn’t get complicated since we live right next door to each other”, Solomon thought.

She glanced at the silver picture frame resting on her vanity table that held the black and white photo of the love of her life, Sean. “I wish you were here Papi so I wouldn’t have to go through this”, she said aloud. Yamaris commanded Charlie and Cuzi to stay and they obediently healed next to one another. The investment in obedience school was well worth it she decided. She couldn’t have Charlie and Cuzi in the way right now. Yamaris checked herself in the mirror and decided to put some lip gloss on before she ran back downstairs.

When she walked into the living room in her bare pedicured feet, Solomon imagined himself sucking on her toes while she moaned and groaned in ecstasy. She sat down next to him and the plush couch seemed to swallow her up. Yamaris was sitting so close to Solomon that when she asked him what he’d like to drink, he could feel her minty breath on his face. Staring into her eyes, Solomon requested Hennessy. The fact that she was staring back into his eyes without flinching was turning him on even more. Solomon’s imagination had already fast forwarded to her being on top of him staring at him just as intently. “Well you are in luck, because I do have some Hennessy in the bar”, Yamaris cooed. “Come on into the kitchen with me while I fix your drink”, Yamaris playfully pulled on Solomon’s sleeve.
Once they were in the kitchen, Yamaris got on her tippy toes and reached towards two snifters on the bottom shelf of the glass front cabinets. Recognizing that in her bare feet she couldn’t reach the glasses, Solomon eased up behind her and reached over and grabbed the two glasses. “Thanks”, she giggled.

Yamaris poured the cognac slowly and waited for Solomon’s indication to stop pouring. When the glass was ¼ full, Solomon raised his hand. Yamaris cleared her throat and said, “Before you have your drink, I’d like to ask a favor of you.” “Um, sure”, Solomon replied hesitantly. “Well, my garbage disposal is broken and since it’s the weekend, I won’t be able to get it serviced until Monday. It’s just clogged and I have the instruction manual and everything. All you have to do is remove one section of it, clear out the clog and replace it. It should only take an hour or two”, she said tilting her head to the side as if that would soften the request.

Solomon instantly lost his erection. “Who does she think she is?” he wondered. Solomon’s thoughts were all over the place, “She’s got a lot of nerve asking me to repair something in her house. We JUST met and she’s not ALL THAT. This chick is nuts.”
When Solomon recovered from the initial shock of her request, he put his drink down on the marble countertop so angrily that the glass hitting the marble created a three note melody. More concerned with her glassware and her countertop than Solomon’s reaction, Yamaris shouted “Uh, what’s the problem?”.

Suddenly Solomon’s southern drawl was gone and he announced, “Look, I don’t know anything about fixing garbage disposals and we just met. Besides, that’s not what I came here for”. Visibly irritated, Solomon headed for the door. He turned around to face Yamaris and said, “No offense, but you might want to pay someone to do that.” Yamaris threw her head back, laughing and said, “Whatever you came over here for; you might want to pay someone for THAT!”

The end.

Cheaters DO Win!

When we were children, our parents and teachers told us that “cheaters never win”. Well that’s a damn lie, because apparently cheaters DO win. Everyone has either cheated, been cheated on, or knows someone who has. Us ‘regular’ folks deal with this practically on a daily basis but lately there have been several high profile cheaters in the news. Among the politicians, we have an athlete sprinkled in the bunch.

CHEATER	LOSS
Eliot Spitzer, Governor of New York	Lost his governorship, BUT his wife stood by him and he is an independently wealthy man.
Mark Sanford, Governor of South Carolina	Wife said that he regained her trust and that they would save their marriage.
John Edwards, Presidential candidate	His wife has forgiven him and taken him back; they are working on their marriage.
Steve McNair, Quarterback	Lost his life but was still hailed as a great man and great football player at his memorial service.

Now obviously, McNair suffered the greatest possible loss, his life. I don’t want to discount the fact that McNair was murdered and arguably, no one deserves that fate for a transgression such as infidelity. But he is no longer with us and is not suffering, however is family is left to suffer.

The commonality between these cheaters is not simply that they are public figures who cheat, but that they all leave in their wake humiliated wives and families. Their wives have to deal with the shame and embarrassment often felt by the victims of illicit affairs and their children inherit tainted legacies.

Today Oprah Winfrey interviewed the wife of former Virginia Senator John Edwards. It was a painful interview to watch. Although the story broke back in the middle of 2008, Elizabeth Edwards was still stuttering as she answered very personal questions about her husband’s affair and it’s affect on her and her family. You could tell that she was still having trouble even verbalizing the situation. She seemed to talk more freely about her terminal cancer prognosis than about the affair that her husband had. It was apparent that although she’s written a book about making the best of what she has right now, she is still having difficulty speaking about her husband’s indiscretions.

We’ve been hearing these stories about cheaters and the blaring common denominator in all of them is that the cheaters come out on top- even after they are caught. Other than the public humiliation, there are no substantial consequences for the cheater such as losing the one thing that they all (except for McNair, because he can’t comment) claim is the most important thing to them- their wives and their families.

The fact that there are no consequences is as good as condoning cheating. The sample of high profile cheaters that actually got caught and exposed in the media is probably a small fraction of the folks that actually cheat and do not get caught.

The sloppiest cheater of them all, McNair, probably did his wife a favor. McNair’s wife actually comes out to some degree, ahead of the game. She is free of a cheating man and she and her children probably inherit his entire estate while Edward’s wife is stuck with the cheater and as she battles cancer, and will likely have to share her family’s income with his mistress and their suspected illegitimate child produced from his affair. Edward’s wife admitted that since his exposure, he has continued to lie about seeing the “other woman” and she couldn’t even bring herself to discuss the possibility that a child was involved. I hope that she is not surprised that he is STILL a liar, because he knows that there will not be any consequences for this crime against his family. After being exposed he lost nothing, so I guess cheaters do win.