Ain't I A Woman? - STILL (John Mayer didn't offend - me the response does!)

Whenever I read a blog, I look for the comments that follow. I always want to know what other people are thinking or more importantly who’s taking the time to write a comment. I think the responses are a reflection of a large segment of the population that feels affected enough by the issues in the media and protected enough by the veil of anonymity to respond with their true thoughts in the hopes that someone will hear and care about what they think. If you don’t already know, let me tell you that a lot of people take the time to write comments to blogs, including me. Blogs that are carried on major websites like The Chicago Tribune, Newsweek, CNN, NPR, and Huffington Post get more traffic and consequently more comments from a wider audience. There usually aren’t photos next to the comments and people rarely, if ever, use their real names but I usually can tell from the comments the race of the person commenting. I guess that method is about as reliable as guessing someone’s race based on their voice over the telephone. The bottom line is that my methods are not scientific at all but based on my personal experiences with people of various races during my short time on this earth.

Today I was reading a blog on The Chicago Tribune website, Waiting on the World (John Mayer) to Change? and the topic was John Mayer’s recent racist comment. The blog referred to another blog with the same topic, John Mayer Is Not Alone. The latter blog had about 375 comments.

If you’re not aware of the details of John Mayer’s recent comment, here they are:

PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?
MAYER: I don't think I open myself to it. My [penis] is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a [expletive] David Duke [penis].

The comments that follow both blogs are more offensive than Mayer’s comments. What follows is a just a sample of the comments that I read:

• “This is one of the most foolish things I've read on this subject. The guy made a joke that didn't come across well”.

• “So, essentially Mayer said that he accepts all people, but prefers to have sex with white women. Hmmmm....and you got all of that "not good enough" rant from that? Perhaps women should be more concerned about getting an education and saving sex and having babies until they are at least 25 and married, instead of blaming "men in power" for judging them as "not good enough".”

• “Btw there are many black men who won't have sex with black women....the proof is in the vanilla pudding on their arm. Get mad at that.”

• “He took it too far with his fast talking and HE IS LEARNING FROM IT...”

The comments following the two blogs tell me that:

• There are a lot of ignorant people out there.

• Even people that perceive themselves as “tolerant” have no clue as to why Mayer’s comments were offensive.

• There are racist people in our midst that still believe stereotypes of black female promiscuity and immorality.

• People use racism and prejudice interchangeably yet they have two distinct definitions.

• Black women are still devalued today because of the stereotypes that were set during slavery.

• Ain’t I a Woman- STILL?

You probably think that you know what my opinion of John Mayer is. Well, my opinion might surprise you. I'm offended, but not for the reasons you might think. Prior to the media attention around his comments, I had no idea who this person was. I will admit that my personal preference in music is narrow -much like his sexual preferences- and doesn’t include him- I’ve never heard his music. As a black woman, I’m not offended by his comment. He simply revealed his true self and his true self would not have sex with a black woman. That’s his preference and he made it clear by referencing David Duke that the reasons behind his preference are racist and other groups should be leery of him as well. He was merely answering a question honestly; black women were just innocent bystanders. There are a lot of other folks that should be offended as well. What offended me more was the question, “Do black women throw themselves at you?” This guy is just another person in the spotlight that forgot where he was and spoke his true feelings and I am grateful for that because it keeps me on my toes and crystal clear about how black women are viewed in society- STILL.

Tiger Woods Does Not Owe Me an Apology

I was reading one of my favorite blogs today - That Teowonna! and the topic struck a chord with me. This is an edited version of my comment. Actually it’s a lazy blogger technique, but at this point a lazy blog is better than no blog, right?

Ms. Tee, as I affectionately call her, was passionate that “despite headlines from well-known sports columnists and other social bloggers”, Tiger Woods does owe us an apology. I still say that Tiger DOES NOT owe ME an apology. I am painfully aware how far reaching the hurt from Tiger’s offenses is. I’m not his wife, his child, his mom, or his deceased father. I’m not a friend of his or Elin’s and not even an acquaintance. I did sing praises about his GOLF SKILLS but I didn’t make any assumptions about his ethics. I understand that as a celebrity and a professional athlete his public image is a representation to be displayed to the public at large. Everyone outside of those categories is considered the public at large and Tiger Woods does not owe the public at large an apology.

Now let’s talk business and take the emotion out of it. He doesn’t owe his sponsors an apology either. He had contracts with his business partners. If his contracts did not include ethics clauses he doesn’t owe them any money either. He damaged his brand and consequently affected theirs. I imagine that there is some type of legal recourse for the sponsors, but unless they successfully sue him for breaching an ethics clause or damaging their brand and then demand an apology as part of restitution- he does not owe them an apology either. None of them would demand an apology because they cannot translate an apology into currency and an apology would not benefit them.

We are not privy to the details of Mr. Woods’ contracts with his business partners so we don’t know if there were ethics clauses, but again, Buick, Nike and Gatorade may want to consider background checks on the people they enter into contracts with in the future. (These weren’t Mr. Woods’ first indiscretions, just the first time he was caught- believe that.) In my line of work, I have gone through several, in-depth, invasive background investigations to determine my “suitability and public trustworthiness” to work for the federal government. Anyone who enters into a contract with another party has a responsibility to perform their due diligence and make sure that they know who and what they are dealing with- including the contract of marriage. That said Tiger does not owe his business partners an apology either.

My favorite blogger even went as far as to say that he owes an apology to his employees and people who have volunteered for his foundation. As for his employees and the people who worked for his foundation? Really? Infidelity is an offense against society. Everyone is affected every time someone commits an immoral offense. Should we spend our valuable time expecting and then entertaining apologies? Ms. Tee and I do agree on one thing- “The primary benefit of coming clean is not just for the people you offended, but for you, the offender.”

I don’t think Tiger Woods owes me (and the public at large) an apology. There are two types of people in this world, cheaters and those who are cheated on. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I am the latter. I choose not to be a victim, so I don’t expect nor wait for apologies. Apologies don’t make me feel better. Apologies just give the offender even more time, space and control over your life. I’m not a cheater. Apologies only temporarily ease the victim’s ego and give relief to the offender. They don’t take away the offense or the pain. Apologizing doesn’t vindicate Tiger Woods. Apologizing to a camera (and not taking questions) is easy. Some people say it’s easier to say something in a crowded room than it is to say it in a room alone with someone you love. You know how people go on national television to air their dirty laundry? What is the first question that the surprised person asks? “You couldn’t tell me this at home?”

Mr. Woods’ apology gets no kudos from the Around The Way Girl. That apology was a continuation of his selfish behavior and some might say a step in his recovery. I just don’t feel a need to participate in his recovery. Besides, actions talk and bullshit walks. Healing takes time and people looking for a quick fix will accept an apology every time thinking that it will ease the pain. So Tiger Woods does not owe me an apology.