Know Your Role

The other day, I was talking to a male friend of mine, who happens to be married, about why marriages don’t seem to last these days. I told him that I think that marriages don’t seem to last because people do not know their roles.

I believe that the man is the leader of the family. He is the President, the CEO, and Managing Partner. Now, the caveat to that statement is that he must be a true leader with integrity and having the best interests of the family in mind at all times. On the same token, I believe that the woman is the Vice President, First Lady and second in command. Should the husband not be able to perform his duties at any time, the wife should be able to step in at a moment’s notice. I know that some people might think that this all sounds old fashioned, and really, it is. But old fashioned used to work and the status quo doesn’t seem to.

Whoever made up that ‘Superwoman’ nonsense was just wrong for that. And we bought into it! We bought into living in mini mansions and driving expensive cars, taking exotic vacations, and financing our whims. We bought into living beyond our means and needing two incomes. As a result, we lost sight of our roles and what is really important. We work to be able to pay for day care and be away from our children and families the entire day just so that we can work some more.

Men should work to support the family financially and women should take care of the home. In order for my theory to work, the husband must be able to support the entire family on his own. If a woman is performing her wifely duties, the husband’s life is made that much easier. She should be his cheerleader and biggest supporter. All he has to do is focus on earning a living and being awesome at whatever he does. The children should always be clean, happy, and healthy. The home should always be spotless, clothes clean, meals freshly prepared and the sex always hot.

If a woman is working forty plus hours a week – how is she supposed to perform her wifely duties well and live a healthy and happy life? How can a woman be expected to work a full time job and then come home and take care of the kids, cook, and then give her husband phenomenal sex- all of which amount to another full time job? Yeah, good luck with that. It’s the law of triple constraints- pick 2 because 1 is going to suffer.

For men who don’t know their role:

Don’t expect your wife to look like a celebrity sex symbol.

Don’t compare your wife to Beyonce- the “hottest chick in the game” if you are not the biggest baller in the game. It is Beyonce’s job to have a banging body and to look the way she looks. If you are not making enough money so that your wife can stay home and work out all day with a personal trainer and have a salon in the house and a make-up artist on call, then you should not expect her to look like Beyonce. Note: if you cannot provide those things, then a ‘Beyonce’ will not have you anyway.

Don’t expect porno level sex from your wife.

If you are not making enough money so that your wife can stay home, do cardio and pump a little iron between naps, then do not expect marathon, nasty, Heather Hunter type sex. After working for 9 plus hours and then commuting for 2 plus hours a day, nobody feels like performing sexual acrobatics with or for you.

Don’t expect seven course gourmet meals.

If you are not making enough money so that your wife can stay home and cook all day- don’t expect dinner to be sitting on the table with steam coming up from the mash potatoes and iced cold sweet tea in the glass when you walk through the door tired and hungry. She will be tired and hungry too.

Don’t expect a clean house.

If you are not making enough money so that your wife can stay home and clean all day or supervise a housekeeper, then you cannot expect to come home to a clean house. What you should expect to see is her panties on top of your drawers on the floor where you stepped out of them the night before. She is just as tired as you are. And don’t be annoyed and argue that because she is a woman, she should not be messy. She’s performing the role of man (working a full time job) and should have the same privileges.

For women who don’t know their role:

Don’t expect your husband to make baller type money.

Don’t compare your husband to Jay Z if you are not the hottest chick in the game. Keep your nails done and your wig right, and your body tight. If you are not keeping his life simple and his stress level as low as possible, he can’t do his best to support the family. Note: If you are not taking care of yourself, then a ‘Jay Z ‘ will not have you anyway.

Don’t expect porno level sex from your husband.

If you are not holding it down at home and keeping his stress level down, don’t expect him to feel like breaking you off after a long hard day at work. After working for 9 plus hours and commuting for 2 plus hours, nobody is going to feel like turning you out.

Don’t expect romantic dinners in five star restaurants.

If you are not fixing great meals on a regular basis, he has not motivation to surprise you with a nice dinner out. He’s too tired from working all day and then coming home to wash a couple of loads of clothes so that he’ll have clean drawers to wear to work the next day.

Don’t expect a clean house.

Expect to see him step out of his clothes and leave them where they lay. He’s tired from working and he’s a man that is not being taken care of.

Marriage is a partnership and a series of tradeoffs. I think that if people
define and agree on their roles and responsibilities it might be easier to stick
it out through the tough times.